1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

I know better, I really do but I am human.  We(especially women)judge ourselves so harshly when we fall short of what we think is physical beauty.  We perm, straighten, pluck, tan, blush and bronze ourselves silly.  And we compare ourselves to unrealistic images.  

A few days ago I was looking at the internet news and clicked on one of those side headlines, it was something about the most photoshopped celebrities.  It was a real eyeopener.  Not even Madonna looks like Madonna!  

That started me thinking.  We(I)spend a lot of time before leaving the house on looking my best.  For years I have fretted over my thinning/greying hair, or the lines around my eyes. When someone may have thought I was Belle's grandmother, as soon as I got to the van I was calling my hair stylst getting an appointment to have my roots done.(true story)  

But I wonder, have I spent as much time or energy making sure my heart is as attractive as it can be?  Have I cultivated a beautiful spirit?  When the Lord looks at me is He pleased?

I guess having daughters is changing the way I think. When Serenity tells me I'm beautiful, I need to stop pointing out my flaws. I need to say Thank You and accept myself the way she sees me.  Because what am I teaching her if I constantly complain/put myself down for my perceived physical shortcomings?  I want her to see her own true beauty.  Can I find mine?  Can I cultivate my inner beauty and learn to love the lines around my eyes?  I still try to be attractive and I love how my hair is getting curly and fuller but I want to put more energy on the inner Jamie.

So I say, "Hollywood, you don't matter! I am who I am.  My goal is a better one.  I want to mirror God's love not Brittany's abs."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/12/celebrity-photoshop-photos_n_3428033.html
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/23-celebrities-before-after-photoshop
http://collegecandy.com/2012/04/21/54-photoshopped-celebrity-before-and-after-photos/#photo=1

Transfusion Monday

Belle is sleeping on my lap as her IV pumps 'go juice' into her 'magic button' 

Translation for those of you over 2: blood into her port access. 

When we were starting our second adoption and considering which special needs we were comfortable with we ruled out Thalassemia because... Well because we were lazy. I mean trips to the hospital every month for a whole day sounded like an ordeal. But we were wrong. These hospital days aren't so bad especially since she has a port. 

Most days at home I have dozens of things I feel like I should be doing, but on hospital day all I have to do is be with Belle. We have snacks, watch movies, get lunch, look at books, visit the kitchen for goldfish graham crackers and she naps. 

Oh sure there is some medical stuff going on but that's not my dept. someone else is in charge of that. I'm just in charge of being with my baby.